My Facial Hair Experiment
It is hard to shave in the hills. The few locals who grow enough hair for it to be an issue probably only do it once every two weeks. And I have no idea how they do it. Taking a shower out there involves bending over a bucket of green water and splashing yourself with a bowl. The ‘water room’ definitely doesn’t have a mirror and I’ve never seen a can of shaving cream for sale within 100 kilometers of the villages. One guy I met only grows hair from a medium sized mole on his right cheek. And he definitely doesn’t shave because the three hairs growing from the mole are about 6 inches long. So when I’m up there I don’t get out my razor and risk facial gangrene. Therefore, Gabe in the hills means fuzzy Gabe. My last 4 day stint in the hills came after a weekend of no shaving. And when I got back to Chiang Mai I figured I’d rock the beard for a little while. I cleaned up my neck and my cheeks and hit the town feeling tough, manly and burly, and also a little scratchier and hotter than usual. I thought it would be hard to stand out more given the rarity of a 6 foot tall, 215 pound, curly haired, white guy in Last Friday my boss comes to my desk to let me know we’re going, on Saturday, to the big once a year National SDF meeting in Phetchaburi. He tells me to bring some clothes and a toothbrush. It wasn’t until hour 11 of the 15 hour road trip that I found out it’ll be a 3 day conference to assess the progress of SDF. Aside from wishing I had brought more clothes and a towel, it was great. I met some awesome people who are passionate about making their world a better place and I learned a ton about SDF. We made PowerPoint presentations, talked about how the coup will affect our work, developed strategies for the next 5 years, discussed funding sources and ate and drank like it was a Roman Bacchanalia. My translator was an interesting chap named Jo. Jo used to be John when he worked for a telecom company in the
The meeting, held at a Boy Scout camp that served great food, was a nice mix of a professional event involving people committed to the task at hand and a giant casual retreat of like minded people and families. I must have met 30 new people. At first they seemed a little cold and distant. I figured it was the standard Thai shyness towards phalang. But then I started to pick up on people talking about me. Thai Thai Thai Thai Thai Thai Thai phalang Thai Thai Thai Jew Thai Thai America. I realized I was getting described as the Jew from
I had given myself a long mustache that dropped down around the corners of my mouth, a hearty soul patch under my bottom lip and a wider than normal racing stripe to cap my chin. With clean and smooth cheeks I went to my seat at the conference table and began collecting the results of my study. It was conclusive. My attempt to look more Thai was successful. People were more friendly and warm and chatty with me; I felt more “in.” The change was dramatic; it was as if while I was out of the room shaving, everyone was learning English. That night I basked in the social atmosphere of a Thai barbeque, which oddly involves a lot of raw beef. I also played drunken name games with a fun group of twentysomethings who were newer additions to the SDF family. I figure, when in








